20 Fingers & 20 Toes || The Day of Transport

Relaxation Lullabies on YouTube are currently playing in the background as I type.  The time is 1:16pm and we are in the midst of naptime for our littles.  Yes, you read that correct, our littles. Not one, but two, and such a blessing they are.

On October 3, 2016 our lives forever changed, the road ahead unknown, however what we did know is that we would have our final State inspection at the same time as meeting our social worker face to face, and a transport van pulling into our driveway with our future.

The inspection went really well, we did have to pause while Jamie ran quickly to the store to grab an ace bandage and gauze pads for our first aide kits for our car.  These were considered a necessity and without them would have delayed the arrival of our official state license.  Jamie got back in record time, exactly 7 minutes.  

We finished up the paperwork with the State inspector, while simultaneously meeting our social worker.  About the same time, maybe a few minutes to spare, we saw the transport van.  There are no words to quite convey how surreal this moment was. We wondered for months what that moment would be like.  We felt more prepared, more than ever, until this moment in time became a reality.  The driver of the transport got out, an older woman in her sixties, and stated she had two little boys by the name of _______ and _______ with her today.  Jamie and I looked at each other, confused as the names and children she had, did not match up to those we had on our placement paperwork.  Watching our social worker leap across the lawn quickly, she asked to see the paperwork, and it was found that the names were changed for protection.  

At that moment I glanced over to the State inspector and saw tears in her eyes.  I smiled of course, with a curious look on my face, to which she nodded back, and quietly said, "In my line of work, I've never been in the position to see this happen. To see the children be transported to a foster family, and it's something I've needed to see."  Just as she finished, I turned around as the youngest leapt into my arms, squeezing me, and telling me his name. I too, then began to get tears in my eyes, as he is just so precious, so tiny, and ready to be loved.

His brother wouldn't let Jamie go.  Jamie carried him for quite awhile until he felt comfortable.  We had read quite a few helpful articles, and blogs about meeting the children. What to do, what to wait to do, so we kind of let them in the drivers seat for the first 48 hours.

After unloading the van of a few, not many belongings, we took them inside to show them their room first.  Give them a tour, so they knew where everything was located that they would need (READ: toys, drinks, snacks, and clothes).  They are so young, but offering them a snack and a drink was the first thing we did after showing them around.  We had a few things, a play kitchen we found at a local Foster Parent garage sale, some books, crayons, and other toys.  Preparing for the unknown, it was difficult, not knowing sizes for clothes, whether they were potty trained, and what they enjoyed playing with.  After drinks and snack, we let them play for a bit, before we gave them a bath, and put them in clothes as they came in pjs.

The evening was pretty uneventful, in that we allowed them to play as much as they chose, until we put them to bed at 8:00p.m.  After we put them to bed, and after the stories were read, I am pretty sure Jamie and I just stared at each other for an hour or so trying to process the day, and all of the feelings we were feeling in our hearts.  Saying so much, without saying anything at all.

The first 24 hours, or rather the first week flashed by so quickly, between dr appointments, dentist appointments, locating a school to get them enrolled in ASAP, and of course the visits with social workers in and out of the house, which created chaos for the boys.  During that first week, the oldest looked at Jamie, after having a moment of tears and tantrums, and asked Jamie if he was going to be his Daddy..  If Jamie would be sending them away again, and if he could please just stay here..

Jamie has shed more tears, as have I, than either care to admit, however they will never outweigh or out number the tears of these little boys.

As we enter month #6, I will be sharing about instances or experiences we have had as foster parents, as care givers, as protectors, as new parents of TWO, and as parents of two tiny special needs little boys.  Our journey has only just began, and we hope that sharing our journey, can only help someone out there beginning or in the middle of theirs.

Family Update | Adoption

I feel I should preface this post and tell you it is currently 2:30am, and sleep has been a lost treasure these past few weeks..

I'm very thankful to have these next few moments with you to share what has been going on, what we are currently going through, and what is to come for our family.  In the meantime, I feel that it is extremely important to say that though everything is in place, at any moment that could change.  Let me explain.

You may or may not have been on this journey with us since November 2014 when J and I decided to announce publicly our plans to adopt.  Though a happy announcement, it was the ending of our fertility treatments, and the beginning of a new, unknown quest to find our unicorn. We began very slowly, so we could take sometime to navigate our options, and take into account our preferences, and the needs of our journey.

This was not an overnight decision. We have prayed for our rainbow baby, but also acknowledged something I have not shared into too much detail until this moment.  At the very fragile age of 3, my mother was scooped up and placed into foster care along side many of her siblings. Malnourished, neglected, abused, and scared, my grandparents adopted her, loved her, and provided her a new chance at life.  Having witnessed, growing up the challenges, and the way adoption changed her life, I knew that one day I wanted to do the same for another child. To have all the love to give them, when they may not have had that chance before in another situation.. 

J and I had our plan laid out.  We knew when we began our journey we wanted and dreamed of adopting an infant through a private adoption. We both want that more than anything so we can experience that together.  However, we also know that we want to help a child or children in foster care. We would complete our private adoption first then move on to our foster care adoption. Or so we thought.

J and I spent hours reading all the information on a foster care adoption, but truly felt we needed more information.  We submitted an inquiry on siblings we found via adoptkskids.org. One thing lead to another, and we began speaking with many agencies about the process and what it entails, but most importantly the licensing process.  

While waiting for our private adoption, we were approached with the idea of allowing whichever adoption happened first instead of waiting for the private adoption.  Shortly after this conversation we were given a photo of 3 girls currently waiting for adoption.  It was difficult to work through with so many emotions, knowing they were waiting for us, so J and I sat down, spoke with our pastor, and decided we want what God wants for us.  More than anything we want His will to be done.  So we opened the door.

When I started writing this blog post, more than anything, I wanted to say everything I possibly can, with respecting the laws, and requests from our agency.  Now, a few days later, here we are again, and it is the night before social services comes to our home for our first home meeting.  You might remember, that we went through a rigorous home study about 6 months ago, and needed our landlords assistance to fix a few things, so J and I feel more ready than ever for tomorrow.  Sadly that does not stop the anxiety in the unknown.

J and I began our last set of classes June 7, and they go through August 9th.  On August 2nd, all of the families, and friends and our family will gather together for dinner during our scheduled class time to meet with everyone.  Throughout this time, we were given the green light to fill out the application paperwork for our foster care license, and should have that back within one week.  Then we submit the sibling groups that we have, and find out late August who will be coming home.  Yes, I did say siblings, and the thought makes my heart beat a thousand beats per second.  J and I have decided to adopt siblings.  We have pictures of them, and have shared them with family, but the truth is, again, at any second that could change, and they could be adopted prior to our licensing end date.  Our agencies have advised we will be receiving phone calls, and given a very short time span to decide on children looking to be placed for adoption.  It could be as early as September 1 or as late as the end of October, but J and I are fully prepared for that, in every way we can, and until then we are preparing more every single day.  Our family is growing, thank you Jesus, our family is finally growing.

Where does this leave us?  We have been given a date, October 9th in which the children will be in our home by, so we are doing everything we can to prepare for that, if not before.  Buying new furniture, bedding, making sure each child will have their own space, getting a stand alone freezer so I can start making meals over the next few weeks to have when they come home.  It is here.  It is finally here, I honestly can not believe that I am able to type this.

For years we struggled tremendously.. The unknown.  The process.  We always knew the end result, and how worth it, it would be, but I guess I never thought of it that there would be a point in this journey where it would shift from instead of being about the long process, to actually being an end point in sight.  Truly such a beautiful moment, and one I am so happy I documented.

Where does this leave our private adoption?  No where, we are still fully in the process, and thankfully the both aide to help the other.  We are still very much waiting for our rainbow baby, and working hard for that every single day.  The fund is still in tact specifically for the private adoption, the paperwork is still being handed in, and soon we will submit our fingerprints, and profile books for the families.  I do want to say that we are not rushing into it by any means, as we want to give our children, plenty of time to get acclimated, familiar with their surroundings and us as well.  On the other hand, we also know we are not getting any younger either, and want to give all of our children the best lives possible.

There is an amazing group of women, most of whom I have never met in person, that scooped J and I up in October, and raised a tremendous amount of funds for our family, and we can never ever thank them enough.  Thousands, of thousands came together for our family, and even typing that still brings tears to my eyes..  With that said, those funds are still specifically for our private adoption.  The cost total is approximately $30,000, and we will work until the baby is home.  On the side of our foster care adoption, many have asked if you can send items, clothes, toys etc, and I just don't have the words to express how I feel about all of you who have helped and continue to help our family.  Once we get closer, we will setup a registry for the children, which you can purchase items there if you'd like to, but please know we are so thankful for everything that has been done, and by Gods grace he placed all of you in our lives, as he could see the mountains we would have to get through, and guys, we are almost there.

Have you made it this far with me?  Thank you.. I am a literal hot mess, I feel all over the place, and can hardly sit still long enough to eat, or blog, or have a conversation, to ensure I am getting every second out of every day, and remembering who I need to call, what appointments are where, if I have filled out the paperwork, and correctly..  I know I have not been very present on social media, and I miss everyone so much, I just try to share when I can, and pop in to say hello, as you all bring such sunshine in our lives.

Thank you does not seem sufficient.  Thank you for your love, your time, your friendships, your support, your encouragement, your surprises, your sweet treats, your coffee runs for us, and mostly more than anything, thank you, for walking with us on this journey.  The emotions often run very high, and at times we have had to step away and recharge.  Thank you for not giving up on us when things were less than perfect, thank you for not looking the other way on the days we felt defeated and destroyed.  We know we have a bit of journey left, and we know that this is only the beginning, and it won't be easy.  All in all, it will be so worth it.  Ab-so-lute-ly worth it.

Love you! No, seriously.  LOVE YOU!
J and Rachel